FanGirls and Delis
by Keeper-of-the-Cheese
Summary: HRG should have expected this. Really, he should have known better. Shameless self-insertion. Please R&R!


A/N: Hey everyone!! This is my first foray into the realm of Heroes fanfiction. For my returning readers: Hey Guys!!! To my new readers: Hi there!

I hope you enjoy the story!

FYI: I don't own Heroes. If I did, Mohinder would have died in the first season!!

Noah Bennet stood over the lifeless body of Sylar. Grasping the exacto-knife in his hand, Noah took a minute to simply savor the moment. He was not ashamed to admit that he felt an amount of pride at his slaying of, not only the man who had attacked Claire, but also ridding the world of arguably the most dangerous serial killer in history.

Tossing the knife back into the box, he slowly backed towards the door, admiring the pool of blood collecting around the monsters head. With a final smirk in Sylars direction, HRG slipped through the plastic streamers leading back into the grocery store. This, he would later decide, was his first big mistake.

Humming a happy tune under his breath Noah made his way from storage to frozen foods, not noticing the odd amount of young women in the store. He walked, with a spring in his step, past the cooler filled with frozen chicken.

He was nearly into the chip isle when it hit him.

CLUNK!!

HRGs' thoughts ran the course from 'Wha??' to 'Is that a tin of frozen biscuits?!' before darkness overtook him.

"Eurgh..." Noah groaned as he came to.

"Hmph. Very eloquent." A voice from above him sneered

"What?"

Noah opened his eyes, only to come face to face with a young woman with spiky hair, wearing a dark cape.

Attempting to sit up HRG began to wiggle, only to find that he was rather elaborately hog-tied with twizzlers.

'What the..?!'

Seeing Noahs' confused expression, the dark girl smirked.

"Oh Noah. Did you think you could just do it, and get away with it?"

HRG blinked.

"Get away with what?"

This seemed to anger the dark woman.

She glared and started to fidget, picking invisible pieces of lint off her cloak.

" You know very well what. You have his blood on your hands."

Bennets' eyes widened in realization.

"Sylar?! You're here because I killed Sylar?!?"

"Oh, not just me Noah. All of us."

She gestured behind her, where, Noah could see groups of women ranging in age from early teens to late twenties beginning to congregate.

They were armed with various items from the surrounding shelves; and they all looked angry.

Noah was shocked.

"Are you girls insane?! I just did the world a huge favor by ridding it of that soulless monster!"

This statement seemed to incense the women, who began growling and stalking towards him.

The dark one stopped them with a gesture from her hand.

"Ladies, please! Beating Bennet to death would be absolutely ridiculous!"

HRG breathed a sigh of relief.

The dark girl looked at him and smirked in a way he had only seen one other do...

"After all...We are Sylars fan-girls. If we can't come up with something more creative then that then we don't deserve the title!"

Her statement was met with a roar of approval. Noah was getting the sinking feeling that he could be in trouble...

Several minutes found the mob of fan-girls sitting Pow-wow style in the middle of the soda isle. HRG was placed in the center of the circle.

The group had been tossing around ideas pertaining to his imminent demise for the last three minutes...

"How about some weed killer? We could go all Sarah Conner on him..."

"Are you kidding? I say we drown him in the lobster tank!"

"How about sporting goods? I'm sure we could find something there..."

"No way! That is way too cliche! We should stick him into a freezer for a couple of hours!"

"Oh, and that doesn't have cliche written all over it?"

"SHUT UP!!"

"I know!! I know!!! The Deli!!!"

"...The deli?"

"Yeah! The deli! They've got a meat slicer, and one of those nifty chicken-roasty-twirly-spit-thingys!! We can slice him and fry him!"

"That sound so Sweeny Todd..."

"...Can I batter his glasses before we fry him?"

"Technically you would be roasting him, but whatever..."

" Toe-may-toe, Toe-mah-toe. Whatever!"

" So we're defintily going with the deli idea?"

" Sounds like..With a quick stop by the frozen foods for some ice cream."

" What's the ice cream for?"

"....Well...Torture give me an awful appetite..."

*Collective Groan*

The dark one stood.

"All right troops! You have your orders. Now, let's avenge our Watchmaker!!"

HRG rolled his eyes and began hitting his head against the tile floor as hard as he could.

The little sadists would never take him alive! Or, at least, he wouldn't be conscious for it...

His salvation came in the form of a blue-eyed, blond dressed in a trench coat and a bowler hat.

The newcomer sidled up to the side of the dark one.

"Erm...excuse me Mistress Cheese...But, have you noticed that the eclipse is almost over?"

The effect was instantaneous.

Every single girl froze. Staring wide-eyed at their leader for guidance.

Mistress Cheese {aka: the dark one} gave the blond a penetrating look.

"Are you absolutely positive Nips?"

"I swear on the life of the Watchmakers Son, Mistress."

The Cheeses' eyes widened.

"CODE ROLEX, PEOPLE!!! Back to your televisions!!!"

HRG was stepped on by many a stiletto. He was quite positive that a girl in rather large combat boots crossed from one exit to the other just for the opportunity of kicking him in the gut twice.

After the mob had cleared out, he was left alone with Mistress Cheese and Nips.

Gliding over to his side Mistress Cheese grabbed his glasses and began to clean them.

Glancing at him from her seat next to him, she spoke:

"Remember Bennet, this isn't the end. We're everywhere. And we are always watching."

She tenderly replaced the glasses back onto his face, stood, and walked back to Nips.

Raising her hand in a mock salute, Cheese bowed and twirled her cloak about her.

Bennet blinked, and she was gone.

Nips glared at him. Giving a slightly military-esq hand signal that clearly said 'I'll be watching you.' She turned and exploded into a cloud of bubbles.

HRG stared after them.

"Maybe next time..."

He gave a slight grimace.

"I should be more careful who I kill..."

The Moral of this Story Is:

Be careful who you kill. They could have an army of rabid fan-girls.

The End

A/N: Well there you have it!! Bennet really should have known better... Thanks to Cheese-Nip42 for allowing me to give her a cameo in my story. I hope you enjoyed this!! ....I hope I'm not being to subtle about this, but, PLEASE REVIEW!!!


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